Friday, 6th December 2019

Mum using ball pit to inoculate child against all known diseases

A WOMAN decided to make her child play in a ball pit because it was the best place for her to catch a little bit of every disease in the world.

Responsible mum Nikki Hollis felt that maximum exposure to the pit would ultimately offer her daughter Emily the best protection against diseases ranging from the common cold to Ebola.

Hollis said: “Ball pits are stuffed with small children who can’t control their bodily functions and therefore full of poo, wee, snot, vomit and every other human excretion you can think of.

“They’re also impossible to clean, so each ball must be covered with several trillion strains of bacteria. If there’s ever a new outbreak of cholera, I guarantee its source will be a well-attended soft play centre.

“So I decided to follow the basic principle of inoculation by chucking Emily in and exposing her to a little bit of each hideous germ. It took several hours for her to lick every ball in the pit but we got there eventually.

“I’m a bit concerned now that she might turn into some kind of genetically mutated X-Men villain but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”