PEOPLE who claim they are going to Facebook events then do not are scum who should face stiff penalties, it has been decided.
After millions of non-attendances, event organisers have decided tough action is needed against people who leave birthday parties and gigs embarrassingly poorly attended.
Facebook user Martin Bishop said: “Bastards who don’t show up are causing birthday parties to forfeit an entire first floor reservation in favour of a single table by the toilets.
“I myself have attended events where none of my proper friends turned up and I had to make painful small talk with strangers or stand on my own for long periods like a pathetic loser.
“This is just the tip of the iceberg. We need to come down hard on these fake going-ers. A modest prison sentence – say, three years – should definitely improve attendances.
“And after being stuck in a cell for 23 hours a day they’ll be gagging to go to even the shittest school reunion or local music festival.”
Frequent non-attender Nathan Muir said: “It’s weird. I hit the ‘going’ button, but when the time comes I just can’t be arsed. However I’m there in spirit, by which I mean ‘on the sofa’.”