NHS workers asked if they'd prefer a badge, a medal or a pay cut for being ungrateful

NHS employees have been asked if they would prefer a badge, a medal or a pay cut as punishment for not wanting a badge or a medal. 

The Conservative government, which is watching the country proclaim its love for the NHS with increasing alarm, is hoping trinkets will do the trick or it will have to go in hard.

Health secretary Matt Hancock said: “What a wonderful job the NHS is doing, and wouldn’t it be marvellous to reward its staff not with intangibles like more money or better conditions but with something they can keep in a drawer.

“Like old soldiers they can wear their medal and remember when the country needed them, or they can wear their badge and get respect, or they can take a 25 per cent pay cut over three years. Their choice.

“Because they might be heroes now but if they don’t want their badges they’re opposing a heroic pandemic-battling government and it’s basically wartime and they’re traitors.

“Did Luke Skywalker and Han Solo ask for common areas, reduced training costs and the restoration of shift allowances when they blew up the Death Star? No. They were happy with medals.”

Hancock then reminded Britain that clapping does not constitute any kind of contractual obligation on the part of the state.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Half-cup bra facemasks, and the other quarantine fashions this season

AS spring bursts into bloom and lockdown rolls on, it’s time to think about the new season’s hot looks. What are you wearing in your hallway or kitchen?

Lightweight two-season dressing gown

Wave goodbye to frumpy, outdated towelling robes and slip on a lightweight number that will, as has become tradition, be worn for 16 hours every day and only be removed for Zoom calls and showers.

Weird old football shorts

Early lockdown was the era of the sweatpant, but with sunshine comes the opportunity to get your knees out in some bizarre old football shorts that you honestly couldn’t cite the provenance of if your life depended on it. Works equally well for men and women.

Damp, musty workout clothes

Maintaining fitness is crucial, but rushing to change afterwards like you used to back when people could see you? Less so. Let your damp, rancid workout clothes act as a welcome cooling system as the days heat up.

A five-day sock system

Wear your socks for five days minimum. A lockdown fashion staple that’s going nowhere between seasons. Because, really, who is changing their socks every day right now? Even David Gandy can’t see the point.

Half-cup bra facemask

Haven’t got a facemask? Simply cut an old bra in two and use one cup to cover, and offer support to, the lower half of your face. Perfect for two-metre distant flirtation in the Lidl queue.


A great way to mark the new season is by changing up your stain patterns. While gravy and tea were all the rage, the spring palette is all about ketchup, barbecue sauce and smoothies where you left the lid off the Nutribullet. Wine stains continue to be very chic.