WITH nightclubs across England reopening their doors to the public, everyone over 21 has remembered how awful they are.
Popular complaints such as expensive drinks, horrible music and annoyingly drunk people were a distant memory thanks to the pandemic, but came flooding back as Freedom Day kicked off.
32-year-old Jack Browne said: “I actively avoided nightclubs before Covid happened, so I don’t know why I was excited to go to them now. Desperation, I suppose.
“But the truth is that going out after 11pm makes me exhausted, and the unrecognisable music will be a painful reminder that I’m totally out of touch with popular culture. Also I’m worried the youthful dancers will be visibly scared of my receding hairline.”
30-year-old Lucy Parry said: “If I wanted to be kept up all night by tinnitus-inducing noise while quietly hating my life I would have done what most people my age do and have kids.
“At least I could do that from the comfort of home, and I wouldn’t have to worry about whether I was wearing the right shoes.”