Wednesday, 20th January 2021

Northerners definitely not laughing

NORTHERNERS have confirmed that they do not find London and the South-East’s tier 4 lockdown as Kent becomes a lorry park in any way amusing. 

Across the North, from tier 2 Liverpool to tier 3 Newcastle, residents are certainly not smiling broadly as they watch the bits of the country that think they are so f**king special turned into an open prison on half-rations.

Bill McKay of South Shields said: “Aye. Tier 4, is it now? Had to invent a new tier for what a bunch of dirty bastards you are, did they?

“Well I can’t see how this has happened with your house prices. Did you tell the virus that? And the French? That your house is worth 800 grand in the commuter belt?

“Course, you’ve cancelled our Christmas as well, but that’s to be expected. Everyone suffers when you suffer. So don’t worry about us, we’re suffering alright. I’m grinning from ear-to-ear for another reason.

“Apparently all your roads are blocked, and you’re all stuck in your little bedsits for Christmas, and you can’t understand how this has happened to you. Haha. Sorry, I coughed.”

He added: “Why don’t you write one of your self-important whinging columns in one of your national newspapers about it? I’ll look forward to reading that.”