Saturday, 4th April 2020

Oh sh*t this is happening, Britain realises

THE UK has woken up to the fact that the coronavirus is here and happening and this is likely to be very bad. 

As new cases are reported around the country, Britons are beginning to understand that a deadly pandemic may be more than just something for them to make amusing memes about. 

Eleanor Shaw said: “It was in China, and in a bit of China I’d never heard of. So it was fine to follow it like I was binge-watching a Netflix series, because it wasn’t really real. 

“But then it reached Italy and now it’s almost certainly reached Britain and the government’s too inept to do any lockdowns or anything and the NHS is in a bad way and I think we all might be f**ked. 

“Apparently only about 19 per cent become seriously ill, which seemed reassuring when it was the Chinese but is absolutely terrifying now it’s me and everyone I know. 

“Why isn’t the government telling me it’s all Project Fear? Why are we having a pandemic and a financial crash at the same time? Also, apparently climate change is real now. 

“I’m extremely scared and very angry. Then again, two months off work.”