Sunday, 9th May 2021

Overweight pisshead placing a lot of faith in multivitamin tablet

A MAN has begun taking a daily multivitamin tablet in the optimistic hope that it will compensate for a lifetime of strong lager and lamb rogan josh.

Roy Hobbs started the habit after embarking on a health kick which will also see him walking to the fridge for his next beer, rather than making his children do it.

Hobbs said: “I didn’t really understand about nutrients until recently. I thought a few pints of Guinness for iron, a Bloody Mary on a Sunday morning for vitamins and the olives off a chicken supreme pizza was all I needed.

“But now I’ve got these magic pills I can just stuff myself with cheese burgers and Stella, then pop a couple at the end of the day with no harm done. I’ll probably live to 100.”

Hobbs’ GP Doctor Martin Bishop said: “He probably will live to 100, but only because his organs are now so completely pickled in cheap vodka they’re pretty much indestructible.”