Pregnant woman experiencing cravings for less stupid f**king questions about pregnancy

A PREGNANT woman is experiencing overwhelming cravings for less stupid fucking questions about her pregnancy.

32-yearold Nikki Hollis, who has seen no change in her food and drink preferences, said: “In the two months I have been telling people about this pregnancy, I have been asked if I know its gender is approximately eight frigging thousand times.

“And that’s not the half of it. You wouldn’t believe how many people have asked me if we were trying for a long time.

“I know, Susan from HR, why don’t we talk about your sex life first and take it from there?”

Similarly troubling, she explained, is the frequency with which she has her stomach stroked without permission and has to smile through stomach-churning accounts of infected nipples and damaged vaginas.

Her husband Tom, meanwhile, has endured a whopping three questions about the pregnancy so far, all of which came from his mother.

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Motorist makes essential journey to Burger King

A MOTORIST has insisted he complied with weather warnings because his trip to Burger King was essential. 

Nathan Muir of Norwich admitted that he did consider the possibility that conditions could leave him stranded or injured, but his need for a Bacon Double XL meant that he had no option. 

He continued: “It’s six miles. I passed two cars in ditches, one that had skidded into a lamp-post, and a McDonald’s. 

“It was pretty hairy driving. I don’t know why some of these idiots were out. Hadn’t they seen the news? 

“I finally made it and I didn’t even do drive-thru. I went inside, shook the snow off, and treated myself to onion rings as well, given what I’d been through. 

“Getting back took an hour. Traffic was crawling. Visibility was about 15 feet. I managed to get home and just sat slumped in the car, the relief coming off me in waves. 

“I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, when I’ve got to pick up these trainers from JD Sports.”