Sugar definitely worst thing say same people who said it was definitely fat

THE people who were utterly convinced that fat was the worst thing are now utterly convinced that it is sugar.

Food scientists revealed that this time they were almost certainly 100 percent correct and the thing you must absolutely avoid is definitely probably sugar.

Dr Martin Bishop said: “Did I say it was fat? I don’t think I did say it was fat.

“Okay, maybe I did. It was a long time ago and there was a lot of stuff going on in my private life that I don’t want to talk about. Anyway. It’s definitely sugar.

“Or protein.”

Nathan Muir, from Stevenage, said: “You did seem awfully sure it was fat. That’s why I gave up butter. That’s why I’ve been eating this omega 3 bullshit.

“Because you seemed so very, very sure.”

He added: “I absolutely dare you to change your mind again.”

Jane Thompson, from Peterborough, said: “I’m just going to assume the entire debate is controlled by multinational corporations and eat whatever the fuck I want.

“Which is probably what they want me to do anyway.”


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Mordor Grand Prix announced

BERNIE Ecclestone has struck a deal to take Formula One to the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie.

The Mordor Grand Prix will be on the F1 calendar from 2016, to the delight of the Black Land’s motorsport aficionados.

The deal to bring Formula One to the orc-rich land was facilitated by Ecclestone’s friend and business associate, the Witch-king of Angmar, who rubbished concerns over Mordor’s human rights record.

He said: “Media accusations of mass surveillance, hobbit torture and secret armies of Uruk-Hai are unfounded and holding back tourism.

“People always say that one does not simply walk into Mordor. We want to show them that one in fact drives into Mordor, ideally in a single-seat, open cockpit car in the company of champagne-drenched bikini models.”

Teams will race in a newly constructed course in the shadow of Mount Doom, under the all-seeing eye of the Watchful One.

Drivers will be challenged by the threat of incineration if they leave the track, though the possibility that they will be corrupted and enslaved by Sauron’s dark sorcery has been dismissed by race organisers.

Mordor overcame a period of domestic unrest to successfully host the Commonwealth Games and the Chess Olympiad, while the UNESCO-listed Black Gate has recently seen concerts by 50 Cent and Jennifer Lopez.

Formula 1 fan Tom Logan said: “This is great news for the sport. But everyone knows it’s still Nürburgring to rule them all.”