Tuesday, 4th August 2020

Take the government's COVID-19 test

DO YOU have COVID-19? Take the official government multiple-choice test and find out: 

Do you have COVID-19? 

A) Yes
B) Don’t think so

Are you sure? 

A) Yes
B) No, not completely

Don’t waste time, there’s a pandemic on. You need to be completely confident in your answer. 

A) I have all the symptoms and I have COVID-19. Please help me
B) Is there some kind of medical test I could do? I am an NHS frontline worker. I could be transmitting this to patients

Are you a member of the cabinet? 

A) No. I’ve self-isolated as much as I can, but I have a family. Can they be tested?
B) No, and nor have I had any contact with Boris Johnson in the last 14 days. I’ve heard Germany has a test with swabs? Can I do that?

Are you a member of the Royal Family? 

A) No. Do you need a list of everywhere I’ve been in the last 14 days? That’s what they’re doing in South Korea, and it’s really flattened the curve
B) No I’m not. I don’t even like the Royal Family

Are you a Premier League footballer, Premier League football manager, or Idris Elba? 

A) No
B) If I said I was, would I be able have a proper test?

ANSWERS

Mostly As: Congratulations! You might or might not have COVID-19. Please behave accordingly.

Mostly Bs: Congratulations! You probably don’t have COVID-19. If you start to feel symptoms, please take this test again.