DO YOU have COVID-19? Take the official government multiple-choice test and find out:
Do you have COVID-19?
B) Don’t think so
Are you sure?
B) No, not completely
Don’t waste time, there’s a pandemic on. You need to be completely confident in your answer.
A) I have all the symptoms and I have COVID-19. Please help me
B) Is there some kind of medical test I could do? I am an NHS frontline worker. I could be transmitting this to patients
Are you a member of the cabinet?
A) No. I’ve self-isolated as much as I can, but I have a family. Can they be tested?
B) No, and nor have I had any contact with Boris Johnson in the last 14 days. I’ve heard Germany has a test with swabs? Can I do that?
Are you a member of the Royal Family?
A) No. Do you need a list of everywhere I’ve been in the last 14 days? That’s what they’re doing in South Korea, and it’s really flattened the curve
B) No I’m not. I don’t even like the Royal Family
Are you a Premier League footballer, Premier League football manager, or Idris Elba?
B) If I said I was, would I be able have a proper test?
Mostly As: Congratulations! You might or might not have COVID-19. Please behave accordingly.
Mostly Bs: Congratulations! You probably don’t have COVID-19. If you start to feel symptoms, please take this test again.