Monday, 19th April 2021

That's Covid over forever then, says f**kwit

A F**KWIT believes that the first hesitant steps of easing Covid restrictions today means the virus is gone for good. 

Clueless twat Wayne Hayes skimmed an article about the new lockdown measures before letting out a huge sigh of relief that the pandemic was finally over and never coming back.

Heading out maskless to Wetherspoons, Hayes said: “We did it, people. What a year.

“I thought I was waiting for the vaccine, but we must not need it. If we can meet up and play golf now then that means we’ve sent the virus packing and we’ll never hear about it again.

“To celebrate, I’m going to spend today down the pub, get a haircut, then maybe book a flight to Japan for the Olympics, all of which I’m assuming are perfectly fine now.

“We’ll probably have forgotten how miserable it all was in a few weeks. Chris Whitty will be on TV showing us some slides and we’ll be like who the f**k is he? Why’s he so far from that other bloke?”

Friend Ryan Whittaker said: “Wayne was exactly like this when we unlocked last year. Then he ate out to help out three times in a week and got Covid from Wagamamas.”