SO far, the end-of-year montage for 2020 is going to be you sat at home watching other people sat in their homes. But could these miracles turn the year around?
We find a vaccine tomorrow
Poof, just like that we’re back to normal. Sure, we’ll have to figure out how to vaccinate the whole planet, but we can sweat the details later. Unless Trump patents the cure in which case we’re all doomed.
The environment fixes itself
Forget about future generations and the animal kingdom; just think how happy this will make Sir David Attenborough. Plus he won’t have to end each episode of his next documentary on a downer that puts you off watching it.
World peace breaks out
Imagine how amazing it would be if we all got along, ie stopped bombing Middle Eastern countries on a bit of a whim. Naturally some nutjobs will bang on about how terrible it is for the economy, but why listen?
God forgives everyone
God comes out as real, apologises for all the many errors he’s made over the years and gives everyone a clean slate, a fresh start and a chance to live a better life. Of course nobody will make it through the day without at least one mortal sin, but for a few hours what a weight off your mind.
You wake up and President Palmer, a sober, sensible and popular leader, is leading the pandemic fight on TV. Suggestions that Donald Trump was ever president are met with incredulous laughter. Former MP Boris Johnson presents a teatime game show called Quo Est Simia? and is married to Billie Piper.