DOCTORS have declared that any attempts to lose weight in 2014 are doomed.
GP Tom Logan said “You are fat.
“You like sitting down and putting heavily salted, greasy food into your mouth, and any attempts to change this will almost certainly backfire.
“Being slim and healthy just isn’t for people like you at the moment.
“We don’t know what science will come up with in the next few years, but currently there is no laser strong enough to fix your blubber and no robot powerful enough to slap the cake from your chubby hands.”
He added “There’s a reason the adverts tell you to see your doctor before embarking upon a new diet or regime.
“They can talk some sense into you and lower your expectations before you end up broke, or dead.”