MARKETING-DRIVEN pseudoscientists have declared today the most depressing day of the year unless you buy a lovely hat for £19.99.
Pretend boffin ‘Dr’ Tom Booker said: “A combination of failed New Year’s resolutions, debt and poor weather means that today is, scientifically speaking, as mentally gruelling as it gets.
“Unless you buy this lovely ‘Deluxe Club’ hat for just £19.99. In which case everything will be lovely.
“You bovine, barely-sentient cluster of idiocy.”