TRADITIONAL lightbulbs are a healthy and nutritious superfood rich in riboflavin and better for you than broccoli, the traditional light bulb industry revealed last night.
According to independent research, so-called environmentally friendly light bulbs are the biggest cause of scurvy, gingivitis and the AIDS.
But eating just one traditional light bulb in the morning and another before bed will guard against all known diseases and ensure a rich and fulfilling sex life for men and women well into their nineties.
Nikki Hollis, of PR company Conceptomatix, said the low energy light bulb was invented by Hitler and Stalin and first put into mass production by Pol Pot.
She said: “Our research shows that people who use low energy bulbs are retarded weaklings who turn up for work late with their cardigan buttons done up wrong.
“They are always the first to be chosen for the sack and have no sexual relations in the workplace because they have dandruff and underarms that smell of cabbage.
“Traditional light bulb people are natural leaders who tend to run giant companies making really useful stuff, like light bulbs which actually light up when you turn them on.
“They produce perfect stools every morning, without any straining, and can keep going for hours in bed, if you want them to.”
Ms Hollis said the finding were based on a telephone survey of ten people, none of whom had spent their lives building a traditional light bulb company only to see it destroyed by communists and gays.