Travel rule exemption announced for middle-class families driving to National Trusts

MIDDLE class families visiting National Trust properties for their daily exercise are exempt from lockdown rules because it is deemed ‘essential travel’.

Since a clampdown on travel for exercise by the police, Britain’s middle classes have lived in fear that their vital trip to the land surrounding a country house could result in a fine.

Eleanor Johnson from Hampshire said: “I was starting to feel like we were being persecuted for valuing our nation’s great heritage of rich people building massive houses and hoarding land.

“A huge weight is off now I know I can bung the kids in the Volvo and head to some open, members-only space where it is guaranteed that we won’t bump into any ruffians or people on benefits.”

Lifetime member Martin Bishop commented: “Walking on land that requires a membership to access is a fundamental middle class right.

“I love fresh air, and nothing beats knowing that the government is accommodating my desire to drive twenty-five miles to breathe different, better air than the rest of the nation.”

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Five great hangover cures by people who don't get that pissed

DO you like reading about implausible hangover cures for lockdown drinking? Here various lightweights describe their cures that won’t touch a proper hangover.

Martin Bishop, recruitment consultant

When I’ve got a stonking hangover after three cans of Carling, I make a massive fry-up: eggs, bacon, beans, sausages, mushrooms, builder’s tea, the works. I’m surprised I don’t puke it all up, what with my terrible hangover. I must just have a very strong constitution.

Charlotte Phelps, interior designer

If I’ve got a hellish hangover that makes me want to die – you know, that mildly tired feeling – the only thing that works for me is a cup of coffee. Then miraculously I’m ready to face the day, even if I’m vowing never to binge-drink two glasses of wine again!

Josh Hudson, tree surgeon

It’s tricky now with lockdown, but my hangover cure is exercise. I’d set the alarm for 7am, do a 10km run, hit the home gym for a couple of hours, then have a game of five-a-side with the lads. I’ve never understood why other people with hangovers don’t do this.

Joanna Kramer, HR manager

I favour super-spicy food. I’ve got my own secret recipe: a sourdough toastie filled with pickled herrings, jalapeno peppers, tabasco sauce, stilton, curry powder, red chillies and HP sauce. It’s definitely this that gets rid of the hangover, not the fact that I never drink enough to get a wasp pissed.

Tom Logan, fitness instructor

After some serious partying, the only cure is a Bloody Mary. Mix a pint of tomato juice with Worcestershire sauce and half a teaspoon of vodka. By the evening you’ll be ready to have it large all over again with two halves of lager shandy.