Woman with pink hair disappointed to see other woman with pink hair

A FREE-THINKING woman making a bold statement with hair dye was gutted to see another woman with the same pink tint.

Lucy Parry visited the hairdresser for the radical colour makeover last month, hoping to update her personal style while also upsetting her mother and baffling her father.

Parry said: “My pink hair is about expressing my playful personality as well as my desire to be a mermaid, so I’m struggling to understand how a unique expression of my innermost self is being copied by some bitch in the queue for Morrisons.”

Rival pink-haired shopper Grace Wood-Morris said: “For me, pink hair is a statement. It’s about saying ‘I have a lot of time to sit around obsessing about my hair and I’m not afraid for everyone to know that’.

“I could use my spare time to get radicalised by the far right online or to train as a life coach, so people should be grateful all I’ve done is ordered some dye and made myself look silly.”

Parry said: “I guess now I’ll have to get an unusual and highly undesirable tattoo to stand out instead. Perhaps on my neck.”

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PTA mum starts bossing herself around

WITH no one else to organise or pressure into taking part in tedious fundraising events, a PTA mum has started bossing herself around.

Carolyn Ryan said: “I have a long list of tasks and events I invite myself to sign up for. I ask for my own help in slightly threatening tones, saying that otherwise the Zoom quiz night will be ruined.

“I asked myself if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for something called Jolly January. My tone made clear that if I didn’t, I would see myself as a cheapskate who didn’t care about the school community or, indeed, my own children’s futures.

“Finally, I forced myself to volunteer to assemble a ‘balloons ‘n’ bubbles hamper’ as a raffle prize and resentfully wrap it in yards of cellophane. After all, as I told myself in the WhatsApp group, these things don’t just happen by magic.

“I didn’t reply straight away, so I was forced to bitch about myself behind my own back. Ultimately, I really want to tell myself to f**k right off, which means I am doing it right.”