Typical glass of British tap water now 70 per cent ham

ORDINARY British tap water is now mostly ham, experts have confirmed.

The Institute of Studies found that with most forms of ham being 70 per cent water, it was now also the same the other way around.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Our tests were pretty conclusive. There is definitely more ham in there than you realise. In fizzy water it’s closer to 80 per cent.

“And you probably don’t want to know how much we found in flavoured water. Especially the pork flavoured water.”

Water expert, Emma Bradford, added: “As a vegetarian I’m against this, but what am I going to do? Not drink water? I’d die you fool.”