THE government’s plan for managing the pandemic over the next six months is an emoji of a woman shrugging, it has revealed.
Ahead of an official press conference where Boris Johnson will blather alliteratively about a plan he has no intention of following, government sources confirmed that it is summed up in a single apathetic image.
A health department spokesman said: “If you want it at more length and in actual words, it’s ‘Do we look bothered?’
“We’ve U-turned on vaccine passports, we’re uninterested in travel quarantine being broken, we’re taking our time vaccinating kids. Basically we’ve moved on.
“What happens in October? Christmas? January? F**k knows. I refer you once again to the shrug emoji.
“A little graphic of a person raising their shoulders in clueless indifference covers our arses when things go wrong. Labour will try to call us out, and we’ll say we’re sticking to our plan. It’s genius.”
Key worker Lucy Parry said: “It makes more sense last year’s alert scale which looked like Nando’s Peri-O-Meter, so I applaud the government for a job well done.”