Friday, 10th July 2020

We're just Calpol-ing the shit out of this, admit parents of young children

THE parents of young children have admitted they are just going to Calpol their way through the next five years. 

Martin and Nikki Bishop used Calpol sparingly at first but now dish it out to their three children to the extent it has become a verb.

Nikki said: “Headache? Calpolling it. Can’t sleep? Calpolled. Teddy’s fallen out of the car window? Excuse me while I Calpol. I’ve taken to having a nip myself.

“The Victorians gave their kids gin to make them sleep, then stupified themselves, but packaged in a socially acceptable medical format. The great thing is we get to keep all the gin for ourselves."

Martin Hollis said: “Hopefully Waitrose will install a massive Calpol tank so I can buy five litres at a time.”