Woman doesn’t have to watch weight because everyone else does it for her

A WOMAN has abandoned watching her weight because her mother, boyfriend and work colleagues already have it covered.

32-year-old sales manager Carolyn Ryan receives updates on her weight so frequently from friends, family and complete strangers on the street, she has decided to hand them the job permanently.

She continued: “Maybe they could get together and have some kind of weight watchers meeting, where they talk about that Club biscuit I had on Monday morning or my insistence on drinking full-fat milk.

“I won’t go – I’d be absolutely bored shitless – but it seems to be a subject of endless fascination for everyone else so knock yourselves out.”

Colleague Joanna Kramer said: “I’ve triangulated with her boyfriend and her sister, and she definitely had three Tunnock’s Teacakes at the weekend, which could result in a gain of up to an ounce.

“This is priceless information. I’ve entered it into the database.”

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'We earn £190K a year. Should we sell a child so we can buy another flat?'

By most measures Tom and Sarah Logan would be considered affluent.

Their respective careers – in software design and some sort of marketing bullshit  – give them a joint income of £190,000. They also own a pair of children with a combined value of more than £250,000.

But the couple are worried about becoming ‘financially spunked’ as the sheer cost of middle-class life in London means they can only afford one large house and one buy-to-let flat.

Meanwhile, the financial pressures of raising a property portfolio has lead them to rack up credit card debts on school fees and children’s food.

They have two sons, Charlie who is five and a three-year-old that they reckon is probably called Ollie. Having both been privately educated themselves, Tom and Sarah were keen for the boys to have the same experience, but have decided it is not as good value as buying another flat.

The dilemma is how to expand their portfolio without selling one or both of their existing children.

The expert view:
Tom Booker, head of child sales at Porter, Pinkney and Turner
Sell both children, but insert a clause where you can buy them back at 22 when they have finished university and have learned to drive.

Martin Bishop, financial adviser at Donnelly-McPartlin
By leasing one of the children, you can increase your buy to let borrowing power and offset your tax bill. The other child could be given a second hand fishing rod and told to catch his own meals.