A WOMAN who has not found anything positive in any aspect of her life or the world since 2014 has blamed it all on her period.
Charlotte Phelps believes her unrelentingly negative attitude and vindictive personality, with which she has punished friends and colleagues for years, are entirely down to pre-menstrual syndrome.
She said: “Nasty, uncaring people, which is most of them, say I’m not kind or understanding and that my behaviour verges on cruel. Which is unfair.
“Alright, I do get a bit ratty in the week before my period. Probably because I feel bloated. And I’m not great the week after because I’m hormonal, and I can be a right cow when I’m ovulating.
“But to victimise me because of my very womanhood is just horrible, so I’m entirely justified in pre-emptively lashing out at anyone judging me. It’s not my fault. It’s my period.”
Friend Helen Archer said: “Never mind. We’ll probably get a couple of breaks when she decides she’s being vile because she’s pregnant instead, then a good decade where she’s foul due to menopause.”