A WOMAN has instantly become a hideous crone upon reaching her 40th birthday.
Helen Archer, from Sunderland, awoke this morning to find herself a wizened hag with pendulous breasts, leathery skin and pronounced facial warts.
She said: “I felt that I looked reasonably good throughout my 30s so it’s a bit of a shock to say the least.
“I suspected something might happen on my 40th as apparently it is ‘the big one’ but I’d never expected it to be so extreme. I suppose I just have to accept that I will forever be shunned from society and focus on casting spells to make cattle fall ill.
“Men no longer desire me, and even advertisers will only be interested in selling me age-defying skin cream.
“I was going to yoga twice a week but now there doesn’t seem much point.”
Archer’s partner Martin Bishop said: “Even animals are scared of her, so I think we’ll be staying in and cooking cauldron-based meals.
“It’s a shame that this happens to women, especially when there are so many hot 39-year-olds around. I suppose they’re a bit like butterflies or something.”