Sunday, 27th September 2020

Woman mostly got pregnant for nine-month detox

A WOMAN has admitted that the main reason she is having a baby is to quit the booze for nine months.

After failing to complete Sober October, Dry January or any random period of seven days off the drink for three years, Emma Bradford felt that pregnancy was her only option.

She said: “When the Saturday morning hangovers are lasting whole weekends, you’ve got to make a change in your life. And what could be a more positive change than a baby?

“I haven’t touched a drop since. It’s the perfect detox, a really cute detox with teeny toes and tiny fingers that will give me lots of cuddles and call me mummy.

“Of course I’m being sick more than I was when drinking, and I wet myself when I laugh, and I get the munchies worse than I did on lager, and I’m arguing with Steve even more than we used to at 3am both hammered.

“But it’s really good I’ve given my body time to recover and flush all those poisons out. And it’s meant I’m extra excited for the baby to arrive.

“Breastfeeding? No, I’ve decided not to. He’ll be on bottles. As will I.”