Woman shunned by friends for liking aerobics

A WOMAN who enjoys exercise without any spiritualism or bullshit attached is being ignored by her friends.

Helen Archer signed up to aerobics classes at her local leisure centre and has since become a social pariah.

Archer, 31, said: “I thought that the point of exercise was to stop me turning into a big fatty and reduce my risk of developing a chronic disease, but apparently that is completely wrong.

“They say there are two ways to do exercise. You can choose some kind of lunatic high intensity regime that involves a medieval-sounding item called a ‘kettleball’ and probably a hernia at some stage.

“Or there’s the option of some wafty bullshit like yoga, where you pretend to be all spiritual about it but actually everyone is measuring your worth by how close you can get your foot to your ear. Either way you have to spend an absolute fortune and talk about it incessantly.

“When I mentioned that I did aerobics they asked if I was doing it in an ironic, eighties Fame kind of way and I said no.

“Then they stopped talking to me.”

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I thought I was joining Man City, admits Pogba

PAUL Pogba thought he was joining Man City but didn’t want to make a fuss by mentioning it before, it has emerged.

Record-breaking signing Pogba believes a miscommunication with his agent lead to the awful mistake which he is hoping can be rectified as soon as possible.

Pogba said: “All my agent said was ‘Pack your bags, Paul, you’re moving to Manchester.’

“So I said, ‘Great. I can’t wait to be playing in the Champions League with them next season.’ But he was drying his hair at that point and so I don’t think he heard me properly.

When we were driving to the airport I said, ‘I’m really looking forward to working with Pep Guardiola’ but a lorry beeped its horn at the exact moment so my agent just smiled and said ‘Yeah it’s a great move for everyone.’”

It was only when they asked me to pose with a Man United top and Jose Mourinho that it all sank in and I got this sick feeling in my stomach.”