Woman who just created whole new human couldn’t give a shit about her weight

A WOMAN is too busy marvelling at her ability to create actual human beings to worry about restoring ‘pre-baby body’, she has confirmed.

Eleanor Shaw, 31, is so stunned at her capabilities that she cannot even begin to engage with magazines or websites that talk about getting rid of her ‘post-baby belly’.

Shaw said: “Are they fucking kidding? I just pushed a human out of a hole that was patently far too small for it to fit through.

“And now I’m going to feed it with milk that I have also somehow magically produced and it’s going to grow into a real human with its own personality and maybe produce further human beings.

“I’m basically a god and some stupid magazine wants me to feel anxious about being a bit fatter than I was before? Off. You. Fuck.”

She added: “Did you know you can get really big bags of Hula Hoops? What a world.”