Workers advised to get a sickie in about now

WORKERS have been advised to squeeze in some fraudulent sick leave in before the end of October.

And then you are free

And then you are free

The Institute for Studies recommends either one day this week or two next week, leaving time for another bout of fake illness in December in which to do your Christmas shopping.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The sickie message is ‘remember, remember – not November’. Taking sick days too close together may cause some HR person’s software to flash up your name in block capitals with a question mark next to it.

“A lot of skiving people focus on the execution – gravelly voice, lurid descriptions of stomach complaints – but this is all largely irrelevant. It’s timing that matters.

“When you take a sick day, everyone in the office knows you’re faking, but this only triggers disciplinary action when ‘illnesses’ happen in quick succession.”

He continued:”That said, it doesn’t hurt to send a couple of emails in the late afternoon to show you’re bravely struggling on.

“And if you’ve got an actual cold then a morning in the office is money in the bank.

“Once everyone’s seen you sniffling and sneezing you can go home and stretch out that credit for three days of absence.”

HR consultant Carolyn Ryan responded: “Fraudulent sick days cost British businesses millions every year.

“Anyone planning to take one should instead get into management where you can get free days off by claiming you’ve got meetings in regional offices.”