Middle-aged people obsessed with leather phone cases

BRITAIN’S middle-aged people simply cannot get enough of leather smartphone cases.

Research by the Institute for Studies found that 98% of Britons aged over 40 believe portable technology must be encased in leather.

51-year-old Roy Hobbs said: “Having just got my first iPhone, I’m slightly more protective of it that I was of my firstborn.

“I am especially paranoid about the screen which is why I must keep it encased in a russet-coloured leather sheath.

“My son says it looks like a medieval condom but he’s young and an idiot.”

Retired headmistress Margaret Gerving said: “The best thing about my leather phone case is that whenever I want to make a call all I just unbutton it, then a long leather flap drops down giving me full access.

“It’s practical and it looks cool. Although I wish manufacturers would make them in more shades of burgundy.”

She added: “I’ve got my tablet computer in a matching leather case. Like all my menopausal female friends, I am weirdly fixated on tablet computers.”

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Bake Off final to include snake attack

THE Great British Bake Off final will see 300 venomous snakes released into the kitchen during the technical challenge.

The finalists will be locked in a desperate battle with the reptiles while attempting to create a perfect pineapple upside-down cake with crunch, fluffiness and visual appeal.

A spokesman said: “An asp loves nothing better than to slither between two warm layers of sponge and go to sleep, so watch out for some scaly surprises.

“We’ve only got enough anti-venom for Paul and Mary so the stakes for the contestants could not be higher.”

Mary Berry said: “The challenge is to stay focused and maintain consistency, even when there’s black mamba venom coursing through your veins.

“To maintain the highest baking standards with one’s arm is rapidly turning gangrenous requires real strength of character.”