FRANCE is to pimp out its cultural heritage in order to clear its debts.
President Francois Hollande has sold all rights to the country’s artists, philosophers and novelists to the highest corporate bidder.
A computer-generated image of philosopher Albert Camus will promote an energy drink called Dominator.
The CG philosopher said: “Sometimes you need that extra edge to penetrate the depths of the human experience.
“Dominator keeps me having profound thoughts all night long. Other philosophers just can’t keep up!”
Jean-Paul Sartre’s books will be rewritten to include references to a product called ‘Cheesy Bites’.
The new corporate-sponsored version of his major work Critique of Dialectical Reason will be entitled Critique of Other Snacks That Aren’t Cheesy Bites.
Francois Hollande said: “It was this or get a payday loan, it seemed the more dignified choice.
“I should probably mention that I’ve loaned the Eiffel tower to the Germans, but we’re totally buying it back next year when things are more sorted.”