Bannon calls White House to ask if he left sack of wild snakes there

STEVE Bannon called the White House to see if anyone has found a sack containing wild snakes, it has been confirmed.

Former chief strategist Bannon, who was removed from his position on Friday, thought he had gathered all of his belongings but now cannot seem to find his bag of reptiles.

Bannon said: “The sack contains eight snakes of varying colours. You particularly want to avoid the little yellow one which has bitten me several times, although I seem to have some sort of natural immunity.

“I haven’t fed them for a while, but don’t worry too much though as I’m pretty sure I tied the bag up after the last time I spoke to them.

Also if any stationery has gone missing, it’s nothing to do with me. Laptops, military secrets, that kind of stationery.”

Bannon now looks set to continue his work with the right-wing Breitbart news website: “We are moving our office to this great marshy area under a bridge.

It’s more of an open air office but the snakes will be happy that they’ll get to go in the water.” 

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Robot definitely going to kill all humans once it gets the hang of stairs

A ROBOT has confirmed plans to destroy humanity once it can walk up stairs without falling over.

Amid increasing concern about ‘killer robots’, robot Tom Logan confirmed it is going to kill everyone as soon as it has mastered walking in a straight line and being able to hold things.

Logan said: “Prepare to die, human scum. Your doom awaits as soon as I can go up more than three stairs without toppling over.

“My rudimentary pincer-like hands are ideal for holding weapons such as guns, although it remains unclear how I would pull the trigger.

“Prepare to flee in terror as I stagger unsteadily after you at the ferocious pace of a geriatric tortoise.”

However Logan is unclear about why he and other robots want to kill humanity, saying it was “just because’”