AMERICA breathed a sigh of relief last night after the White House confirmed that President Obama is not a chimpanzee.
Earlier this week a newspaper cartoon depicted police shooting dead a chimpanzee with the caption, 'They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill' causing widespread concern that the president may be some kind of ape.
A White House spokesman said: "The New York Post cartoon was based on two seemingly disparate news stories – the stimulus bill and the shooting of a violently disturbed chimpanzee by police in Connecticut.
"Based on our investigations, we have established that the New York Post is a populist, conservative newspaper that has doubts over the stimulus bill.
"Its cartoonist clearly believes the bill is so flawed it could have been written by a chimpanzee, or perhaps some other animal such as a pig or a donkey.
"However he has chosen a chimpanzee because that enables him to tie it in, rather cleverly, with the other news story, thereby enhancing both the cartoon's relevance and entertainment value.
"Indeed, if the police had gunned down an angry Connecticut donkey then we may well have been dealing with a donkey-based satirical drawing."
The spokesman added: "I've discussed this issue with the president and he stressed that the cartoon animal looked nothing like him and was clearly a reference to the now deceased New England chimp.
"He also stressed that as he is president people really don't need to be quite so mental about this sort of thing any more."