FORMER prime minister Tony Blair has submitted his CV to the newly-declared Islamic Caliphate in the Middle East.
Already hugely successful in his role as Middle East peace envoy, Blair believes he is perfectly suited to be the unquestioned supreme leader of a new Islamist era.
He said: In my previous role I was instrumental in creating networks of Islamic extremists in Iraq and Afghanistan using an innovative mix of aerial bombings and ground invasions.
Feel free to check my references there are very few jihadis who wouldnt name Tony Blair and Operation Iraqi Liberation as their direct inspiration.
And I am already a figure both universally known and universally hated in the West, which is great positioning for ISIS.
A spokesman for ISIS agreed that Blairs credentials were impressive, but had doubts about his commitment and thought the tie he wore for the interview was carelessly chosen.
He continued: Hes very strong on ignoring international law and manufacturing reasons for invasions, and his wife Cherie has worked hard to keep radical preachers in the UK.
But if hes such an outstanding candidate, why is there this seven-year gap in his employment record?
“And Im definitely not keen on renaming Sharia Law as Blaria Law.”