BONO has taken power in Myanmar following three decades of tireless campaigning.
The ruling military junta has conceded defeat to U2, which fought the election on a platform of transparency, democracy, and vague, mawkish cliches about hope.
President-elect Bono said: “My entire career, from those black and white photos in the desert, to jumping out of a mechanical lemon, to the whole iTunes thing, has been building up to this moment.
“My very first priorities will be a new city-centre hotel, a nice big stadium, and an urgent reform of the tax laws.”
Defeated former leader Thein Sein said: “I can’t believe we lost to a man who once rhymed ‘high’ with ‘sky’, and ‘mole’ with ‘hole’, in the same song.”
Tickets for U2’s victory rally in Yangon are now on sale, priced at £300 each.