Brussels Airport invests in massive 'f**k off, we're keeping the backstop' sign

BRUSSELS Airport is to save everyone’s time by erecting a 40ft high illuminated sign reading ‘Fuck off, we’re keeping the backstop’. 

The move follows excitable British discussions about how much support Theresa May would enjoy if she only did the thing she cannot do. 

Senior MEP Guy Verhofstadt said: “We’ve been paying a man to stand at arrivals with this sign since February last year – actually three men, in eight-hour shifts – so at the very least we’re saving their wages. 

“The idea is that May gets off her plane, stoked up with the false promises of lunatics, sees the sign, comes to her senses and flies home immediately. 

“If this does not work we have roadside billboards on the route to the European Parliament with slogans including ‘You agreed to this deal’, ‘Why are you here?’ and ‘Don’t knock. We’re not in’.” 

He added: “Or an entire continent could change its mind because of 45 angry British MPs. That seems likely.” 

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Look how many f**king books I've read, says everyone on GoodReads

EVERY single GoodReads user would like you to look at how many fancy fucking books they have read.

The popular book-sharing site is not, as claimed, about swapping reviews and recommendations, users have confirmed, but is about being a right la-di-dah smart arse.

Regular poster Tom Booker said: “Oh yeah, it’s all about the literary dick-swinging. Why else would we do it?

“Look upon my Read-In-2018 list and despair. Sorry, that’s a poetry reference, so you might not get it.”

When it was pointed out that several of his friends on the site had read more than him in the past year, Booker dismissed them as ‘fucking nerds who need to get a life’.