DAVID Cameron has offered to show Argentina how to swagger around in someone else’s country properly.
As Argentina requested negotiations on the sovereignty of the Falklands, the increasingly shiny-faced premier asked why they did not just turn up with half a dozen ships filled with musket-carrying soldiers and plans for a railway system.
Cameron told MPs: “Lord Palmerston once described diplomacy as ‘the homosexual foreplay of the irredeemably foreign’.
“Argentina’s attempt at building an empire is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen. If Pitt the Younger had been this poofy Scotland would have been Swedish since the late 18th Century.”
Downing Street sources suggested Cameron is trying to get Argentina to fight back so he can have a bit of a war, arguing that ‘you don’t mess with the classics’.
Tory backbencher Denys Finch-Hatton said: “While the prime minister understands that killing terrified Argentinean conscripts has always made political sense, on a more fundamental level he’s yielding to his ancestral urge to growl at dagoes and sip gin on a veranda.
“It offends his sensibilities to see someone try to construct a reasonable argument about sovereignty when they could just shoot everyone.
“When he was speaking in the House I could see his hand reaching for an invisible swagger stick with which to clout the Argentine president.
“Brought a tear to my eye, so it did.”