Cameron secures leftover sandwiches for UK

DAVID Cameron has negotiated a deal allowing Britain to keep any leftover sandwiches from EU meetings, he has announced.

Ministers attending EU discussions will now be allowed to collect uneaten sandwiches, crisps and items of fruit and take them home in a carrier bag for the British public to enjoy.

The prime miniser said: “Our total lack of progress on benefits and sovereignty is more than compensated for by our resounding success with sandwiches.

“Initially they were saying we could just have the tuna ones but I toughed it out and now we’ve got all the remaining flavours including prawns, which are the most expensive ingredient.

“I’ve vowed to keep fighting Britain’s corner in Brussels. Next time I’m going to demand we get a guaranteed share of mini satay chicken skewers, because those always get eaten first.

“Have a cheese and ham one before the pickle makes the bread go soggy.”