SYRIA’S rebels need a camping stove, some cutlery and a good, solid frying pan, David Cameron has confirmed.
The prime minister renewed his support for the anti-Assad forces after it emerged the rebels had no choice but to eat the hearts of their enemies raw and without cutlery.
He said: “Democracy cannot flourish in Syria while these heroes are forced to have a cold buffet lunch, straight out of someone’s chest.
“And it’s no use sending them a great big pot, like something out of Tintin. Twenty-first century battlefield cannibalism needs fancy cutlery from John Lewis and maybe even one of those water-oven things that Heston Blumenthal is always going on about.”
Mr Cameron met with President Obama yesterday to decide how they were going to help Syria become as stable and peaceful as Libya.
The prime minister predicted that once the murderous Assad regime has been toppled, Syria will enjoy a new era of ‘enlightened religious democracy’.
He added: “Who better to set up a network of nursery schools than a wide-eyed religious maniac who has tasted the rich, gamey flavour of a human aorta?
“I wish I was Syrian.”