CATHOLIC church officials have denied that Pope John Paul II would have done anything normal and healthy like fancying a woman.
Letters by the former Pope reveal a close relationship with a female philosopher, triggering concerns that he may have had the kind of feelings a man could reasonably experience if he had never had a shag.
Cardinal Tom Booker said: “Under no circumstances would John Paul II, who has spent his whole life denying the urges that are part of a human’s genetic programming, have experienced conflicted emotions around an attractive woman who he really liked.
“The Pope could not fancy people. That would be way too normal for us men of the cloth who are into celibacy, even though God mysteriously created us with incredibly strong compulsions to the contrary.”
John Paul II’s letters to Anna-Teresa Tymieniecka reveal that when they met he sometimes felt he had an animated devil on one shoulder and an angel on of the other, like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
He wrote: “The little devil talks in the gravelly voice of a working class New Yorker, saying things like ‘Holy smoke, that’s a helluva fine broad’ and tearing up a scrolls marked ‘Pope Vows’. The angel talks in a pious voice, saying things about God’s love being all I need.
“Sometimes I think the angel is a bit of an arse.”
