Proper grown-ups blissfully ignorant of latest Twitter row

PROPER grown-up humans have no idea why a celebrity has deleted his Twitter account.

The grown-ups became vaguely aware the celebrity had quit the social media platform, but decided to go about their day without investigating any further.

Jane Thomson, from Stevenage, said: “I’m sorry I can’t help you.

“I’m sure it’s utterly fascinating, but you’ve caught me in the middle of having actual thoughts about actual things.”

She added: “If you insist, then I will speculate that someone said something that isn’t offensive, some other people decided to get very upset about it and the person who said the thing then got upset about how offended the other people were. Yes?

“Right. Now fuck off, I’m busy.”



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Anger as fancy beer served in ordinary pint glass

THE purchase of an expensive European lager was ruined by being served in a normal pint glass.

Friends looked on in horror as Tom Booker was handed the FrauWeiser Wheat Gold in a common pint glass before being told, ‘the fancy glasses are all in the wash’.

Booker said: “If you’re paying more than a fiver for a pint, you want a bit of pomp and splendour with it.

“If I ordered champagne and they gave it to me in a mug, I’d be well within my rights to refuse to pay for it.”

He added: “I don’t want the barman sacked or anything, but he should be suspended without pay for a week.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The correct, fancy pint glass would have also made the pint look twice as big.”