Trump still looking for last two horsemen of apocalypse

FOLLOWING the appointment of Sarah Palin as War, Donald Trump is still looking for an additional two horsemen before he is ready to ride. 

The billionaire, who showed off his solid-gold scythe to cheering crowds begging for death yesterday, has admitted he is still missing key apocalyptic personnel. 

He said: “Sarah Palin has just the qualities of belligerent, uninformed, self-justifying aggression that I need for War. 

“And I, obviously, am Death, the end of it all coming with a vulgarity and greed that is all the 21st century deserves. 

“But the vital roles of Pestilence and Famine, which might have a lower profile in the USA  but are huge in the third world, remain unfilled.”

Shortlisted for Pestilence are the Ebola virus, a strain of anthrax engineered for biological warfare and Blurred Lines singer Robin Thicke. 

Trump added: “I’m in negotiations with Ronald McDonald for Famine. He’ll sign, and that gives us kid appeal.

“Coming in 2017.”