DONALD Trump is mulling the possibility of taking up serial murder to give another boost to his 2024 electoral prospects.
Having seen his popularity rise among Republicans after being found liable for rape, and following publication of a mugshot taken when he was charged with trying to overturn the 2020 election result, the ex-president has decided it is time to up the ante.
Trump said: “We’ve seen how people react every time I’m indicted. My popularity grows bigly. Now it’s time for it to grow even biglier.
“So I’m going to become the bigliest thing since Charles Manson. And after these murders they’re going to come for me in a politically motivated witch-hunt.
“My people, my base, they’ll see Sleepy Joe and the Washington establishment attack me for these murders I committed and they’ll see the accusations for what they are. Revenge from my enemies, because I will be the best murderer, with a gold-plated knife. It’ll be classy, like my toilet.”
Already, hundreds of Trump’s support base have volunteered to be murdered by their political hero.
Tom Logan from Texas said: “Whether it’s pillow suffocation in a motel, or a shot in the head in a shopping mall, or just a plain old fashioned stab in the back in an alleyway, I’m ready to step up for Mr Trump and help Make America Great Again.”