EU amazed that Brexit plan covers whole side of A4

EUROPEAN Union officials are astonished that Britain’s Brexit plan goes all the way to the bottom of an A4 page. 

A photograph taken of Brexit notes has shocked EU negotiators by displaying full sentences and appearing to have a rudimentary grasp of the subject. 

EU official Hans-Jurgen Wecker admitted: “This has changed our entire approach. We were planning to just use interns for the negotiations, but now we are at least sending a junior to supervise. 

“A full page without, as far as we can see, any doodles of abstract patterns in the margins is a level of seriousness beyond anything we have seen thus far from Britain, and three to four levels beyond your foreign secretary. 

“There are even rumours that the notes continue onto a second page and contain some mathematical workings-out. Who knew the people behind ‘Brexit means Brexit’ were capable of this?”

Wecker added: “‘Have your cake and eat it’, we know. This is an English-language idiom which we believe translates to asking for everything but ending with nothing at all.” 


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Two-day hangover 'is passage to manhood'

A 23-YEAR-OLD has finally become a man after having his first multi-day hangover.

Although office worker Tom Booker is surprised to feel wretched for a second day, he knows that this mighty achievement marks the beginning of manhood.

Booker said: “Before today I was a man only in terms of my physical size. I had not known the pain of waking to a second morning of my head hurting so much that it feels as if my brain might leak from my ears.

“I think the major factor was mixing export lager with port. I’m still not clear on what port is but it really hurts.”

He added: “I feel weary but proud, like a young African tribesman who has just returned from surviving in the wilderness for a week armed only with a spear, to be blessed by the village elders.

“Except in this case the village elder is my dad, who is a bit angry because I puked on the kitchen wall. Even so, I can tell his heart is bursting with pride.”

Booker’s father Ray said: “He thinks he is a man now, yet he has only taken the first step. The trial of the three-day hangover still awaits him.”