THE CIA has turned its extraterrestrial things into a tourist attraction after running out of patience.
The agency revealed its genuine UFO and aliens will offer paid-for ‘abduction experiences’, with the aim of recouping some of the $900 trillion it spent on media manipulation, Men in Black and memory erasing.
CIA director Tom Logan said: Gary McKinnon was the last straw, I couldn’t face sending out another ‘all staff’ email nagging everyone to use proper passwords.
I mean, why cover it up anyway? Not only does it cement Americas status as the worlds number one superpower, but now we can sell baseball caps and t-shirts, maybe hire it out for hen nights.
“As you’ll discover, the alien enclosure of Area 51 is actually very like a Travelodge, with bored aliens flipping television channels, looking for nudity.”
Roswell alien Xrrydth Cthullyu said: The actual reason we have been visiting earth is cress.
“Cress doesnt grow on our planet but we really like it a lot, especially in egg sandwiches.
UFO conspiracy theorist Nikki Hollis said: When there was a cover-up I felt quite special and important, but now Im just some woman who works at Rymans.