Thursday, 13th May 2021

Flybe instructs passengers to begin new lives wherever they're stranded

FLYBE has told stranded passengers they can never go home, so they should forget their old lives and begin new ones. 

Passengers have been informed that no flights are available, their money is lost and they have no option but to leave their pasts behind and start again. 

Joe Turner of Lyme Regis said: “My flight from Leeds Bradford was cancelled. I asked what I was supposed to do now, and they said ‘Find a home. Start a family. Who you once were is gone’. 

“I argued until I was blue in the face, but eventually the girl on the Flybe desk told me she no longer had a job and could never return to her family in London. She was heading into the night to begin anew.

“We’re together now. My name is Simon Stelfox, and I work in a cafe. Tell my children never to try and find me.” 

A Flybe spokesman said: “Trains home? In this country? No, treat this as an opportunity. You’ve lost everything, but you’ve been given a blank slate.

“Personally I’m swapping a career in PR for work on the North Sea oil rigs. And I think this time around I’ll be gay.”