Greece holds decisive referendum on Christ knows what

THE Greek people are ready to give their final yes or no vote on an unknown issue that will decide their entire future.

Sunday’s referendum, which asks “Would you like to not accept turning down saying yes to declining your assent to the agreement of the unified two-part proposal from the European Commission, ECB and IMF?” offers the Greek people a clear choice on something that will be decided later.

Mikis Vamvakaris of Thessalonika said: “The Syriza government has done exactly the right thing by delegating this important decision to its heroically confused citizens in an illegal referendum.

“Quite simply, do we want to accept withdrawn bailout terms that will not be offered again, or do we want to do something else but nobody knows what yet?

“It’s as unambiguous as those little marketing opt-out boxes that you have to tick. Or not tick.”

A survey of Greek voters found that they believe the referendum to be about leaving the Euro, leaving the EU, overturning the result of World War Two, shuffling the islands about a bit, abandoning democracy forever or enabling acts of auto-cannibalism among finance ministers.

Elena Alexiou of Chania said: “I will be voting Oxi. No.

“Why? I’m Greek, that’s fucking why.”

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Next Labour PM celebrates 10th birthday

THE boy who will be Britain’s next Labour Prime Minister in 2056 turned 10 years old yesterday.

Nathan Muir, from Durham, who will enter Downing Street with a working majority of 15 following the collapse of a Tory/SNP coalition, celebrated with cake, crisps and fizzy drinks he is not normally allowed.

In four decades time he will lead the Labour Party to victory as a society on the verge of economic collapse turns to them in despair. Today, however, his party involved him and his friends all dressed as Minions.

Muir, who enjoyed Pass The Parcel best about yesterday, will end Boris Johnson’s 30 year reign in power, re-elected repeatedly because the electorate thought it was amusing that he was so rubbish.

However, with unemployment at 10 million and no end to the war with Canada in sight, Britain turned to Muir, who today said he had a tummy ache from too many Haribos.

Muir, whose slogan will ‘hope and change for hardworking people’ will be unseated after 10 years as PM by Liberal Democrat Nikki Hollis, as yet unborn.

Hollis will surrender to Canada and lie about scrapping tuition fees.