Huge relief after only 11 million people vote for a fascist

THERE was huge relief today after just 11 million people in Europe’s second biggest country voted for a neo-Nazi crackpot.

Ecstatic EU leaders said everything would be absolutely fine forever and that receiving just under two-fifths of the vote is actually next to nothing when you think about it.

Swigging from a bottle of cognac, EU commission president Jean Claude Juncker said: “This vindicates everything I have ever said or done. I win, the EU is perfect and everyone has to shut up now.”

New French president Emmanuel Macron told jubilant supporters at the Louvre: “I look like I should be in an advert for aftershave, which means that nothing can possibly go wrong.”

Meanwhile, defeated fascist Marine Le Pen danced the night away to 80s disco tunes while wearing a massive grin after realising this was absolutely, definitely the last we will ever hear of her.

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Husband asked if he ‘would like to do the dishes’ thinks it's a question

A HUSBAND has been made an offer he could technically refuse but will not if he actually thinks about it.

Eleanor Bishop, 31, has been watching the dishes gradually pile up in the sink over the past four days and making half-jokes in the hope that husband Martin do something about it.

Speaking through gritted teeth she said: “I’m not saying he has to do them, but if he would like to do them, that would be really nice.

“I mean they’re halfway to the ceiling, and it’s not like we’re entering our sink into the Turner Prize is it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha.”

Martin Bishop added: “I suppose I should probably get those done.

“Come  to think of it, my friend’s  wife said the same when she gave him the option and that’s how he lost an eye.”

Mrs Bishop added: “Now that you’re ‘on a roll’, perhaps you’d also like to empty the bins?”