Sunday, 16th May 2021

Hunchback forced to move in with Phantom of the Opera

THE Hunchback of Notre Dame has been forced to move himself and his stuff in with the Phantom of the Opera for a few weeks. 

Quasimodo, who swears blind that he does not smoke so the fire was nothing to do with him, arrived at the Opera last night and is already getting on the Phantom’s nerves.

The Phantom said: “I know why he came to me – we’re both semi-legendary, we’re both rafter-dwellers, he’d do the same for me and all that – but it’s not been a day and he’s getting on my wick big-time.

“I’m a style guy, you know? Operagoers just see a swish of cape and a glimpse of white mask and then I’m mysteriously gone. Not some big ugly face lumbering in the shadows.

“And he’s brought loads of his precious bells, and his pigeons, and bloody hell does he go on about Esmeralda all the time. I mean move on.

“I think the opera’s a bit sophisticated for him. I’ve not said anything but I’m looking into rural cathedrals. He’ll be happier there.”

Quasimodo said: “I can’t believe it. Notre Dame, gone. I hope it wasn’t that knock-off vape charger I got from the market.”