Couples who buy each other Easter eggs told to grow up

COUPLES who buy each other Easter eggs need to grow the fuck up, relationship experts have confirmed.

The practice is deemed understandable right up to the age of 21, before which they are basically kids anyway, but unacceptable thereafter no matter how dark the chocolate.

Dr Helen Archer said: “It’s a children’s holiday. For children. That couldn’t be any more obvious.

“Nobody’s standing in the way of you having a Creme Egg or 12. Gorge as many Mini Eggs as you like. It’s fine, it’s just chocolate.

“But this is buying a big egg in all the packaging and standing it proudly on the mantelpiece for an adult you’re supposed to be having sex with.

“You’re a grown-up. You can have whatever you want whenever you want. Running your relationship to the same calendar as the supermarket’s seasonal aisle is pathetic.”

Nikki Hollis, from Uttoxter, said: “My husband’s bought me a big Lindor egg, so I know he loves me. We haven’t spoken in six years.”

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Working class man reckons someone called 'Annunziata Rees-Mogg' is on his side

A WORKING class man actually believes that someone called Annunziata Rees-Mogg relates to him and has his best interests at heart.

Wayne Hayes, who lives in Doncaster and drives a forklift, is wholeheartedly behind the politician and her totally genuine and in no way cynical push for Brexit on his behalf.

Hayes said: “We’re basically the same. She didn’t go to university either.

“So what if she had a bit of help from her old man along the way? My dad lent me his car last week when mine was up on bricks. Same thing.

“And just like her when she failed to win the seat of Somerton and Frome, I fuck up at my job constantly. I reckon she’d really get around me and my mates, and we’ll take her to the boozer when she comes here.”

Annunziata, which is Latin for ‘peasant eviscerater’, has yet to visit Hayes’ constituency as she is demanding they corral all the local poors into an out-of-town leisure centre before she arrives.