Sunday, 1st November 2020

Couples who buy each other Easter eggs told to grow up

COUPLES who buy each other Easter eggs need to grow the fuck up, relationship experts have confirmed.

The practice is deemed understandable right up to the age of 21, before which they are basically kids anyway, but unacceptable thereafter no matter how dark the chocolate.

Dr Helen Archer said: “It’s a children’s holiday. For children. That couldn’t be any more obvious.

“Nobody’s standing in the way of you having a Creme Egg or 12. Gorge as many Mini Eggs as you like. It’s fine, it’s just chocolate.

“But this is buying a big egg in all the packaging and standing it proudly on the mantelpiece for an adult you’re supposed to be having sex with.

“You’re a grown-up. You can have whatever you want whenever you want. Running your relationship to the same calendar as the supermarket’s seasonal aisle is pathetic.”

Nikki Hollis, from Uttoxter, said: “My husband’s bought me a big Lindor egg, so I know he loves me. We haven’t spoken in six years.”