I like people who shout ‘Hail Trump’, confirms Trump

DONALD Trump has clarified his position on violent white supremacists by confirming that he really likes being ‘hailed’.

The US president stressed that an individual’s views on race or Hitler were not particularly important compared to their willingness to shout ‘Hail Trump’ in a public place.

He said: “Who doesn’t want to be hailed? No-one, that’s who.

“When I see a group of men marching down a street shouting ‘Hail Trump’ it feels good. Very good. They don’t necessarily have to be wearing the same uniform, but it does help.

“Then I see a large group of people saying mean things about me – i.e not hailing me at all.

“You would have to be some sort of idiot not to prefer the people who are hailing you.”

He added: “Also, I like their pointy hats and their cool flags. Good branding!”

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Old guy who is always in pub still not saying hello

AN old man who has been drinking in the same pub for years still refuses to say hello to fellow patrons, it has been confirmed.

Tom Booker, 34 and Roy Hobbs, 60, have both been drinking in The Grapes pub in Stevenage for years and despite no reason for them not to be civil to one another, Hobbs is not having it.

Booker said: “I’m not saying we should be best mates or anything but a fucking hello wouldn’t go amiss.

“It doesn’t even have to be a verbal hello. It could be a nod of the head or a weak smile.

“I just want acknowledgement for God’s sake.”

Hobbs said: “I’m an old prick, what do you want from me?

“I’ve had 40 years of saying hello to people I don’t really know in pubs. Can’t I just be left alone to get pissed in peace and quiet?

Booker later made a drunken attempt to say hello and see how Hobbs was doing at the urinal, only to realise he was talking to a totally different old sod.