I was just putting up a shelf, admits Russian astronaut

AN astronaut on the International Space Station forgot there was just space outside when he drilled a hole for a shelf, he has admitted.

Ivan Bobrov told investigators he caused an air leak while trying to give the Soyuz craft’s interior ‘a bit of sprucing up’, adding that he watched a lot of DIY SOS

He continued: “It’s just really bare and impersonal inside the space station. Nothing grabs your eye so I wanted to add some visual texture. 

“The shelf was going to be for us to put our knick-knacks on, you know, souvenirs of our orbital flight, and I was going to do a watercolour of Lake Baikal for the control room. 

“Unfortunately it’s a supporting wall of the space station so I couldn’t get a nail in, then I had some issues with the drill, then I realised that a shelf wouldn’t work in zero gravity anyway. 

“But I’ve still got six tins of Dulux White Chiffon. Slap that on, few pot plants, sell this old hulk on for a profit.” 

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Colleague's 'friendly reminder' has surprisingly unfriendly tone 

A FRIENDLY email reminder is actually quite hostile, it has emerged. 

Sales manager Mary Fisher sent an office-wide email, flagged as ‘urgent’ and titled ‘Friendly reminder: disgusting foods in communal fridge’.

The email read: “Just a friendly reminder for everyone to stop leaving their horrible, smelly food in the shared fridge. The fridge is for milk and sealed lunches only, not your hideous home-cooked concoctions.

“I’ve spent my whole morning throwing out so-called ‘food’. I couldn’t even tell what some of it was supposed to be and I wouldn’t care to find out. Vile.

“Thank you and have a lovely day.”

Colleague Emma Bradford said: “I watched her write that email. She actually typed ‘you vile, pig-like little fuckers’ at the end but then deleted it.”